Apparition

Seems like things that I want aren’t coming my way.  Opportunities which are being presented are not what I want.  Career wise, I’m being offered opportunities which aren’t what I want, yet it seems like I can’t back out of unless I burn my bridges. Got presented by my manager of an offer which for most people would sound good.  How do I tell them that I don’t want to take up the offer as I want to leave the company without burning my bridges. I just want to make a fresh start elsewhere? I’ll find out after tomrrow mornings meeting. I feel so tired!

Still can’t move on from that girl. Pathetic me! Still clinging to that one glimmer of hope! On other news, I’ve been applying for jobs.  Had two interviews today. The first one I had was a place which I would like to work in.  Nice office, and the job is something I want to move up to career wise. Now I have to wait and see if I make it to the next round.  I so don’t feel like working in the morning!  Just so over my current job at the moment!  Right now, I just want to things in my life to progress.  Why can’t I have a job I enjoy? Why can’t that girl just be straight with me? Why can’t I seem to get anything moving in my life at the moment? Why are all my friends moving along and doing well, while I can’t?  Maybe in 6 months time I can laugh about it.  Maybe things will turn out OK. I just have to be patient until it’s the right time.

Yep, I’m one pathetic loser. Rang that girl up tonight, but she was asleep already. Felt bad for waking her up! Quickly asked her that I want to ask her out.  But she said she was busy this week.  And the week after she said it’s too far ahead to think.  I think I made a fool of myself! Maybe guys like me shouldn’t ask people out. Guess I’ll end up being Creepy Single Dan! :(  Time to move on eh?

I’m feeling really frustrated with how my life is going at the moment. Workwise and career wise is spirally out of my control. Work is being restructured and it’s heading in a direction which I don’t want to go in career wise. I need to get a new job, but I want something that I would like.

In other parts of my life, things aren’t going anywhere fast. Why can’t that someone take a hint. Why do I have to make the first move. Would I get rejected? Too many things going on and not much action :(. Let’s hope things will sort itself out.

I got an interview in the morning with a recruitment agency. I really need to make a move in my life now. Otherwise I think I’m on the verge of breaking down. Yeah, I can feel it physically and mentally that I need a change or I’ll break!

Been a while since I last blogged. I was away for most of the week overseas in New Zealand for work. It was a really nice experience, albeit a lonely one while traveling since I was the only person sent over to work at the customers site. Will post up some photos later on this week.

In other news, don’t you hate it when you make your intentions clear with a girl, but she sees you as “a very good friend”. It sux to be just that when you put in so much effort! Did catch up with that girl, but she seems to always get my other friend and his GF to come along as well as 2 of her other female friends. Felt a bit uncomfortable when my friend is trying to set me up with that girl’s other friend. She’s nice and all, but I’m just not interested. Why can’t they see who I’m trying to go after?

Anyway, I did get her something from my trip. Walked her to her car later that night. Should have made my move, but I froze as usual and just commented that she looked pretty! Walked back to my car and she calls me back. I walked back and she is about to tell me something and then stops and says she lost her thought. Wonder what that was all about.

I SMS’ed her the next day. Told her blatantly that she looked really pretty that night. What type of guy would say that eh? Got a reply today telling me that I’m too kind. And that I’m a good friend. So she thinks of me as a good friend! Yep! That’s what I like to hear… NOT! Time to move on or still keep going without giving up? Yeah, I sound pathetic! I’m one pathetic loser!

The past 2 weeks brought false hopes and dreams. It’s all out now, so at least I know that those hopes and dreams are gone. Did not get the job I got interviewed for 2 weeks ago. Held so much promise but at the end it wasn’t to be. Held out a glimmer of hope to do voluntary work in another support team. Went there with hopes and dream on Tuesday. Found out that it was only a “one off” and was only for me to have a look at what they did. So it’s time for me to start looking elsewhere to pursue my hopes and dreams. I can’t stay in my job for much longer as it isn’t really growing anymore now. Afraid that I don’t know where to go soon.

In other news, why can’t people see the signs? Who else would go all the way out to help someone out late at night and who would call someone up to see how they are going? Not going to think about these things much now. It’ll just screw my head in. Just wish that people can take those subtle hints. And yeah, can’t stand those “smug couples” set!

On a positive note, I’ve been back playing some basketball again. I’m starting to get into it again which is good.

Okay, that’s it for now. Time for bed. Finally picked up my North Face Jacket from my friends place which I got him to help to buy overseas. Only thing is that I can’t wear it until the weather is cooler!

So I didn’t get the job. Got a phone call from then recruitment agency last week. In a way I was happy I didn’t get it. I’m thinking of staying where I am and doing the volunteer work experience in the technical support team for a next few months until my contract finishes. It’s a gamble cos nothing is guaranteed, but it’s a risk I have to take. In other news, I did get another job interview on Monday. The office was very nice, but I’m not sure how long I would want to stay there cos the IT team is very small.  Well time for bed. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

In other news, I have to pluck up the courage to ring that girl up to see if she wants to catch up next Sunday. Why it is so hard for me? And why doesn’t she notice anything?

Can’t sleep… got so much on my mind at the moment. And it’s all career/work related. I got a call from an ex workmate of mine. Said there was a position vacant there and would I be interested. It’s pretty much similar to what I’m doing, but it’s a permanent 9-5, Monday to Friday job. Pay is lower than what I’m getting. Not sure about that job, but it does give me exposure to more technical experience each Friday where I go to another technical team. Still not sure about the other job which I got interviewed last week. Job is a step up to what I’m doing, but pay is much lower with all that responisbility. I got a call from the agent today, but couldn’t take it cos I was at training whole day. What should I do? I’m all confused… Work is really hectic, but is there the off chance that I can do volunteer work and gain more experience and get a good reference. Or should I risk all the work I’ve put in and go somewhere else? I wish things were much simpler.

I’ve got so much things going on in my head, it’s driving me insane. That job interview I had - I’m not sure if I’m offered the position to take it or not. The pay is lower than what I expected for that position. I need to move up from where I am, but want to know if it’s worth it, or brave it out here and ask to do extra voluntary work on another technical team and gain the exposure and hopefully get promoted. Is it worth the risk to stay or to bail out, but bailing out might be not worth it at the end? I just want closure - if I don’t get the job I’ll stay. But if I’m offered the job, I still don’t know if I want to take it or not. Why can’t things be more easier for me?

Watched that show, What about Brian?. Kinda reminds of me and my friends - they are all attached while the only single guy there. I don’t want to end up at 34 and still be single. *Let hope none of my friends reads this blog* One of my friends told me he got engaged on Valentine’s Day. Now I have to think up an engagement present soon I guess.

On other news… that someone emailed me back. Did SMS her wishing her a Happy CNY! Don’t know what this year will hold.

Okay, time for bed. I hate waiting for interview outcomes… sometimes I wish I never applied for that job in the first place. Why can’t I be more decisive!

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

Had a nice Chinese New Year dinner tonight with the family, relatives and family friends. It was a hot weekend, but it was good to get together for dinner to catch up with everyone.

On another note, I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place career wise. Had two job interviews last week. Had to admit last week was the most tiring and confusing week I’ve had a in ages. Worked pretty much 6 days straight and in between the day and night shifts I had two job interviews. The first one didn’t go so well. Mental note to self - Do not go for job interviews after doing a 12 hour night shift, even after had 5 hours of sleep! I woke up around noon to get ready for my 4pm interview. I was so exhaust from the night before at work that I was totally out of it. Woke up feeling tired and had a massive headache. Didn’t help that the day was 38 degrees. Got to the place on time. Was made to wait almost 45 minutes before they took me to the interview room. Felt like I was being interviewed by the Stefan Dennis character - Paul Robinson mixed in with the Ricky Gervais character in The Office. Didn’t get the job… they emailed me while I was on the way home to advise that I was not successful.

Had another interview on Friday with another organisation. The job description was on the track on what I wanted. But the pay was much lower than my current position. So the hard question is whether I should stay at my current job which is tiring me out mentally and physically - I’ve asked my boss to allow me to do volunteer work on another team which is where I want to be in the next stage of my career, or if I’m offered the other job I got interviewed on Friday with a lower pay and a much smaller and less recognised company? Don’t know what to do. Wish I was starting my first day at uni again.